LaRell Herbert says a mix of online pornography and childhood trauma shaped the path that led him to live openly as a woman for seven years. In an interview on BlazeTV’s “Relatable” with host Allie Beth Stuckey, Herbert describes what he calls an addiction that rewired his sexuality and contributed to his gender transition.
The path he describes
Herbert says he once believed “the only explanation” for his lifelong gender confusion was being born in the wrong body. After leaving the Mormon faith and embracing a secular worldview, he underwent a gender transition and identified as a woman for seven years, according to the interview.
Pornography and a repressed memory
Herbert tells Stuckey his fixation began when he “stumbled onto pornography on the internet,” adding, “there was a very particular flavor of pornography that was my poison… This happened to be BDSM pornography.” He also recounts what he describes as a repressed memory surfacing during later “self-healing”: “I had this repressed memory from when I was 5 years old come up where I was restrained… and violated sexually.”
As the habit escalated, Herbert says he “started envisioning [himself] in the shoes of the women in the pornography,” rationalizing it as “a victimless crime” if he imagined himself in their place. He concludes, “my sexuality was very much programmed by viewing that pornography, by repetitively exciting those feelings.”
Strain on his marriage
Herbert says he was married when he began transitioning and that it caused “a lot of distress,” especially for his wife. “I didn’t want to cause her distress, even though I felt like I had to pursue being a woman in order to be happy,” he says. “I at some point told her basically, I can’t go on living if I can’t do this.”
His broader claim: “Sexuality can be programmed”
Herbert tells Stuckey, “One of the things that I like to teach people now, is that sexuality can be programmed.” He asserts that departures from heterosexual attraction reflect “some sequence of experience” in childhood or exposure “in a certain sequence” that shaped a person’s perspective. Reflecting on his past, he adds, “I’ve learned that being trans is a very selfish thing. It’s all about me and my needs… and you forget the people around you.”
All quotations and claims above are attributed to LaRell Herbert’s interview on BlazeTV’s “Relatable” with Allie Beth Stuckey.
